If the holidays stir up feelings about your family – stress, guilt, grief – this episode is for you.

Whether you love spending time with them, can only handle them in small doses, or stay away for your own sanity, being around family has a way of pushing every button you’ve got.

That’s why Mel invited Dr. Mariel Buqué, a Columbia-trained psychologist and leading expert on family dynamics and generational patterns, to share the real reason why your family stresses you out.

Dr. Buqué will help you see how the home you grew up in and the role that you played in your family shaped you as a person.

She will also explain why the same tension, guilt, and arguments keep repeating year after year and how you can shift this dynamic.

In this episode, you’ll learn about:
-How no siblings grow up in the same family, and why it’s important to understand this
-The specific challenges and lasting impact of being an eldest daughter
-How women in particular absorb family stress, and the impact this can have on autoimmune diseases
-How family trauma can be passed down through generations until someone decides to break the cycle
-The impact on you of how your parents were parented
-Specific daily tools and tactics to use around your family
-How to do the work to heal yourself, even if others are not supportive

This conversation will give language to what you’ve been feeling for years and tools you can use immediately: at the holiday table, on the phone, or in everyday life.

It’s an invitation to stop absorbing everyone else’s stress, see your family with clearer eyes, and protect your peace.

As a gift to listeners of The Mel Robbins Podcast, Mel has created a free 20-page workbook to help you make 2026 a great year. This workbook is designed using the latest research to help you get clear about what you want and empower you to take the next step forward in your life. Get it here: https://www.melrobbins.com/bestyear/

For more resources related to today’s episode, click here for the podcast episode page: https://www.melrobbins.com/episode/episode-354/

Follow The Mel Robbins Podcast on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/themelrobbinspodcast

I’m just your friend. I am not a licensed therapist, and this podcast is NOT intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician, professional coach, psychotherapist, or other qualified professional. Got it? Good. I’ll see you in the next episode.

In this episode:

00:00: Meet the Guest
7:22 Why Siblings Remember the Same Childhood Completely Differently
9:31 What is The Eldest Daughter Theory?
20:01 How Men vs Women Cope with Trauma
29:35 Daily Healing Practices That Work (Nervous System Regulation Tools)
35:58 Why Your Family Gets Angry When You Start Healing
40:10 How to Stay Grounded Around Family That Triggers You
42:26 Simple Tools for Surviving Family Gatherings
47:30 Imposter Syndrome: Causes, Signs, and How to Overcome It
53:12 Family Estrangement: When No Contact Is Healthy vs Avoidance
59:03 The Emotional Skills Every Parent Should Teach Their Kids

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